Transformational Tuesday: Meet Brennan Manning

As you already know, our blog is dedicated to helping you live a life gunk free. Although we are passionate about keeping this stuff off our skin and out of our bodies, we also want to encourage you to look at the areas of your life that aren't as easy to see. Yesterday, Heather shared a healthy way to keep your face beautiful and today we are looking at a much deeper part of yourself.

I'm not sure if any of you have had the pleasure of reading or hearing the work of Brennan Manning. Although he has recently passed away, this man had a story and a message that has left an impact on so many people in this world. When you take the time to do some digging, you see someone who has experienced great triumphs and has wrestled with lows that would humble any human being. It was through these experiences that Manning came to learn about "Furious Love" and working to both comprehend and live according to that. He also championed a special mission to bring "good news for the bedraggled, beat-up and burnt-out" and saw you and me in a way that leaves us amazed. Do you ever take the time to stop and realize how unique and special you really are? Do you see others that way?

Heather and I had the opportunity to hear Brennan several years ago and it is something that we will never forget. He spoke openly and plainly about the feelings that we all have in our hearts and encouraged us to grab hold of the truth of our world, whether we want to believe it or not.


Take a couple minutes to watch this video and comment about what you think. Know that you matter more than you know and we desire for you to stay encouraged!

My Own JOURNEY to Wellness

So about 10 years ago, I was a super health nut! I typically ran 60-80 miles per week. I ran marathons, ran road races competitively, did weight training, was a coach, had a coach, was a vegetarian, etc. The highlight of my week was my long run! Can you imagine?! It blows my mind when I think about it now. Needless to say, those days are long gone...

God has since blessed me beyond my imagination with the incredible gift of raising 4 small children (ages 8, 7, 2, and 14 months) and one with a major medical condition. Anyone would agree that as a mom, your kiddies come first. Of course! However after a year of having Silas on the Gerson Therapy (and within that year I also was pregnant, had a baby, and then later miscarried another), I realized that I was living my life so "sacrificially" that I almost became a martyr to the therapy. I'll post one of these days about the typical day in the life of a Gerson Person. It's fascinating... Anyway, I was recently talking with Jordan and realized that I had pretty much forgotten who I was. That runner that I used to be and who my identity was tied up in, no longer existed. For the first time in my life, I was terribly out of shape--and I mean terribly! I wasn't quite sure what I enjoyed anymore... I realized that I've somewhat isolated myself in the past 16 months which is virtually necessary to get the day's work done, but I've missed out on many social events and even surprisingly some friendships have changed. It's been at times lonely doing this therapy... It's no one's fault, but some people don't tend to understand and often don't seem to validate the work of the therapy because it's not through conventional medical methods. It's okay, but it doesn't take away from the seriousness of Sy's disease and how imperative the therapy is to his health. I always knew and rejoiced in the fact that I was God's Beloved... but for the first time, I wasn't sure how much I was loving myself.

Anyway during this past year, I had some blood work completed a couple of times because I was having a few medical issues and in general, not feeling great. Finally my doctor sat down with me and said that as much as I want to be there for my husband, kids and others, I needed to make some radical lifestyle changes or I may not be around for them. Whoa... What?! So here I am busting my chops to do this amazing therapy for my kid and ironically, my own health is starting to deteriorate. How many times do we do that as moms? We give our all to our family and leave nothing or at best, the leftovers for ourselves. It took a little while to sink in but the reality finally hit that it was really time to turn my life around. I had the head knowledge since I'd been studying natural therapies for almost 10 years. I had implemented loads of what I learned but definitely still had my own vices and used some of them as a crutch to get through this last year. After spending hours and hours in the kitchen prepping for Sy, the last thing I usually want to do is to cook a healthy dinner for myself!

So I found this amazing kickstart for my life--ironically from a person who healed herself from cancer through the Gerson Therapy! When I find out more about her own story, I see so much of my own. Jordan and I both decided to challenge ourselves and felt that if we're going to speak publicly about Gerson and Sy, then we needed to understand exactly what it was like for ourselves and to better understand how Sy feels each day. We want to be the real deal. And Wow! All I can say is that it completely changed my life! In those 10 days, I found freedom! I realized that we give food--whether it be specific foods or sugar or caffeine, such power in our lives. I don't want food to empower me... I want God to empower me! There is such freedom in letting go and truly eating to live and not merely living to eat. It's amazing how quickly even my taste buds have changed when you take out salt and sugar. Not only did I cleanse through the liquids but I also started cleansing through a new morning regime for ME! Not in a selfish way but in a loving way... I've been convicted that I need to serve others, including my family, out of an overflow of what the Holy Spirit is doing in my own life. If we constantly give to others out of chaos and depleted reservoirs, then over time we will feel the effects of that on our bodies... So I've been really challenging myself these days and constantly asking myself, "What do I love to do?" and "What will bring me the joy I once knew?"

So that leads me to my new morning routine... It includes quiet time with God, prayer time through meditation, oil pulling, coffee breaks (not what you're thinking!), dry brushing, listening to beautiful music, and juicing. I no longer resent the therapy and think about what I'm missing out on but instead focus on the life and healing that God is doing through the therapy for Sy. Instead of thinking of restrictions, I'm focusing on the great things I do have and enjoy! It's all about perspective. I've found the gift in Gerson... It's more than just healing our boy... It's healing ourselves and reconnecting our spirit to our ultimate Healer. As moms, we absolutely have to take time for ourselves--quiet retreats for our own soul care. It's so important. So as I mentioned before, this is a journey for me. I'm not there yet but I'm learning and implementing all that I can. I'm even starting a course to bring about even more transformation and I'm pretty stoked about it. My life sure looks different than it did 10 years ago and I'm sure it will look even more so 10 years from now. So who knows?! Maybe, I'll even be back to running... :)

What about you? What things do you implement in your life for your own soul care?

Jiggle Another Handle?!!

Life is fun for sure! When I picture the doors that we've knocked on or opened in our time, they're never plain ol' doors...

When we diverted our journey to missions 10 years ago, we always knew that the road with the brightly lit signs would be waiting for us to jump on again. There's no doubt that we were created for a life called away from the ordinary. It's just that getting back to that road has been a bigger task than we thought.

We've had many people asking about our status, so here's the current update:

Recently, a door opened to help serve within our community to start building the base we needed to launch ourselves out for wherever God needed us to go. Since we had more juicing in our lives than we wanted, we looked to share the knowledge and healing power with others. There are so many people in our lives now who need some serious healing. I don't mean superficial healing, I mean deep-rooted, death-is-on-your-radar kind of healing. From this, we developed a business plan for starting a juicing cooperative effort where people could get quality nutrition and the workload was evenly distributed. Since we are overwhelmed in our own lives with the work of Sy's therapy, this seemed to be an answer where we could both serve and have some weight taken off our shoulders. Not only would this be an opportunity to help people heal physically, but to really focus on asking people questions about their spiritual health as well. Again, super amounts of encouragement and enthusiasm from others, but when it came to gather people together, it was not the response we needed. Ok God, you can see that we are trying here. We asked the question and you gave an answer on this one. We will move on.

Do we give up now? No way.

As you probably know from our previous post, the door before us has pointed us to look at the need in Dominican Republic and see if we can find a spot for our hearts to be poured out there. As you know, we took the trip and whoa, baby! God showed up and revealed the need for help there. Our skills lined up, we were received with open arms, and there were endless possibilities to live the life the Bible clearly speaks about. Both our hearts leapt as we saw a spot we could easily (relatively speaking) fill. Back in business, right? All doors were wide open, except for one.

Organic produce is something that we certainly take for granted here in States. We asked and looked in the local DR town for produce that would fit Sy's needs. No luck. We spoke to workers in the local hospital about where to get it. Bummer there. We have contacted friends in another DR town to get their knowledge. Another dead end. I've contacted an organic farm on the north coast to look at visiting there to get the information we need. No response. I've been in communication with the country's Department Of Agriculture with a list of Sy's needs. How about a no. We've contacted missionaries in the same organization to get information on the produce. Not looking good there either. We are looking into aquaponically growing what we need, but root veggies are still an obstacle (considering that carrots are the bulk of what we need, that could be an issue since we run through about 75 lbs per week).

Do we give up now? No way.

There are voices that are whispering to just give up and to live a normal, quiet life until we die. I'm sure many of you are thinking, "Why don't you just stay where you are for right now?" Honestly, we would love it! We live in sunny paradise... We dearly love our family, friends and church here... This is home and this is comfortable. But for us, we wrestle between our flesh and spirit every time we open the Bible because of the personal convictions that God has placed on our hearts. When we hear His voice in our lives, we know He is calling us out for more. It's hard because often times we'd rather just stick our head in the sand and ignore it. However, the call to go out and seek who we were really created to be is way too strong.

I can also see that not being willing to radically shake things up is exactly what the enemy wants. We live in a great community where a great song has been written and those that are here are singing it with excellence. However, it has been laid on our hearts that there is a new song that God wants to write and that He wants us to play a part in that. Maybe a small one, but a crucial one. The second issue is that staying where we are isn't working either. It's embarrassing to say this as a man, but the truth is that a firefighter salary doesn't work well when supporting a family of six. I firmly believe that God opened doors for my career and has given me crucial medical knowledge that I will continue to use for His glory--I've even had the priviledge to take part in saving lives. I also have a side business that is small and growing, but it's hard to develop a business with no capital and risk taking the focus off Sy's healing. We will juice in a box on the side of the road if that's what it means to keep our boy healthy.

All of this typing finally gets me to a point. Whenever doors start closing on us, we hear the creaking of another one swinging open. This post is too long already, so that's for another day.

So as another door possibly opens, please pray for clarity and wisdom. We have stood before God and said that we are truly willing to do anything and go/not go anywhere. We just want to live in obedience however scary that may be. I look at Heather and each of the kids and I want to help encourage them to bring the Christ out of their hearts for the world.

Unexpected Gain and Devastating Loss

So God totally shocked us about six weeks ago... We found out we were expecting another baby! This was nothing outside of a complete miracle because all of our other children have required me taking meds or herbs in order to conceive. We thought we were finished with birthing babies and the doctors definitely have encouraged this... So when I say we were shocked, I really mean SHOCKED! Let's just say that we were preventing in more ways than one. :) Of course after getting over the initial freak out, we knew that God wanted this baby and we were excited to grow our family from six to seven! Wow!!

Then the bleeding started... This is nothing too unusual for me. I've experienced that with all of my pregnancies but I've also miscarried before so it's still unnerving. One night it was so bad that I had to go in to the ER. Ugh... Finally after waiting and waiting, we saw the heartbeat... That little flicker is always so exciting and reassuring. It carries with it an immediate calming to my soul. It's such a reminder of God's intricate handiwork growing inside of my body. Meanwhile, I later had a follow up ultrasound and all still looked good. I was still nervous to tell folks but I knew the facts were that at that moment all was okay. Then a few days later, the bleeding intensified and I was really expecting the worst. The doctor wanted to do yet another ultrasound due to the amount of bleeding and just to be sure. Lo and behold, there was that heartbeat--thumping even stronger at over 160 beats a minute! I've had complications with all of my pregnancies (and deliveries) but the OB came up with a valid reason for the bleeding and reaffirmed that the baby was just fine--"No need to worry." So I didn't... I just tried to "lay low" (yeah right with four kids under 8, homeschooling, and Sy's therapy, but I did my best). And I just laid the worry aside and trusted God that all was okay. And I really trusted...

So yesterday morning rolls around and I went in for a prescheduled doctor's appointment. The morning was pretty hectic and it was easy to forget the importance of what we were going to do. We remembered to stop and pray right before going into the office for the well-being of our little one.

Since I was still bleeding, we did another ultrasound. After what seemed like an eternity of watching the doc's eyes scour the monitor, I heard those words that I will never forget.

"Guys, I hate to tell you this... There is no heartbeat." Silence. "I'm sorry."

As tears start to stream down my face I keep thinking, What?! Oh, God no! Lord, just help me breathe. I can't completely fall apart here. The doctor went on about me needing a d&c asap because I was ten weeks along and I had already been bleeding so much. He could also see a lot of blood pooled around the placenta. Unfortunately, I had eaten a small breakfast so we would have to wait a few hours. I hardly heard what he said--I was still working on just breathing. Then, Jordan interjected and asked if there was any chance at all of our baby still being alive. The doctor confirmed that he was 100% positive that the baby was gone...we knew to be with Jesus. He then left to schedule my surgery and to give us a few moments alone...

Jordan and I just clung to each other, clasped hands, and then cried out to God and thanked Him for this miracle of life. We told him how we knew he was holding our little baby in His arms. That was comforting but I must admit, I felt and still feel a little jealous. I now have four babies here on earth and two in heaven. It will be such a delight to meet the other two some day. They must be pretty remarkable because God obviously wanted them to be with Him early on. And through it all, I still know that I can completely trust Him... His ways are not my ways and His ways are so much higher and better for me than I can possibly understand. Despite the hurt, grief, and sadness, I am so thankful that God used me to be His vessel to bring these children life.

I'm not one to have feelings regarding whether a boy or a girl, but throughout this pregnancy the name Corban has really resonated with me... It means a gift or offering to God. I think heaven inherited a new Corban yesterday.

Side note: Yesterday, as we were pulling out of the neighborhood, a magnificent rainbow was coming down right beside us. Thanks God, for reminding us of your love and unmatched promises!

Anderson Live Show Clips (Updated!)

**Updated show clips to show full segments, including intro video and surprises. They are hand recorded and the audio is a bit low, but it should be clear enough.

Thank you to all of you who tuned in to watch our handsome boy make his daytime TV debut. We all were very happy how the show was put together and we are so thankful to the Anderson Live crew for having us there. We really hope that we were able to help at least one person in some way. There's only one complaint...I still have not received a phone call to become a jewelry hand model on QVC. Did they not shoot my amazingly strong, yet tender hands enough?

We've been looking to find the entire interview. We've found both parts, but the first one is not the greatest quality. We'll keep looking and try to find something better. Anyway, thanks to the person who took the time to record this on their TV! Here you go! Oh, and also, just for the record, I'm really proud of both my son and my smokin' hot wife.

Lastly, a huge thanks to those companies that blessed our family in a huge way...Bunny Luv, Global Organics, and Lego! I just noticed that this part isn't on the video. Big hugs from Sy for these great folks!

If you can't see the videos below click here for part 1 and here for part 2. Enjoy!

Here's still the portion straight from the show...much clearer.

Listening Heart Required!

So get this...

The other day, I'm in the kitchen juicing and prepping Sy's food goodness. Since I'm a guy, I can usually only concentrate on one thing at a time, so I was pretty involved in my work. Nothing was going to stop me from producing some high quality nutrition!

Before I get any further, let me tell you that Sy decided one day a while back to start reading through the New Testament when he wakes up in the morning. It seems like he just started yesterday and he informed us that he is already through Acts! Let's just remember that this kid is only six! Makes me smile when I know that he is reading God's love letter to him! It's also a reminder to not let the most important instruction manual fade into the background.

Now back to the kitchen...

As I'm scrubbing carrots, Sy comes quietly into the kitchen and watches me work. He then began a dialogue that drew me in right away:

"Hey, Pop?"

"Yeah, buddy..."

"I think God is speaking to me."

!!!??? Although I continued working to keep the conversation natural, Sy had every bit of my attention. I knew in my heart that God didn't want me to miss a word of what was coming up next.

"Oh yeah? What's he saying?"

"I think God is telling us that we need to go."

This is one of those times that I knew God was speaking to me through my son. It was also very clear and appropriate for our hearts. Through how God has been teaching us and calling our family, this statement had a huge impact. Even though I knew, I still asked to see what else was stirring in his heart.

"Where do you think God wants us to go?"

"Either where we've been talking about or wherever he needs us. Like Paul and Silas in Acts. They went wherever telling people the good news."

Oh snap.

It has been amazing to watch God work on Sy's heart. Sy is someone who enjoys his home, his toys, and all the perks of staying where we are. The rest of us are more willing to accept change. This is just another example of the power of God's Word and it's ability to transform us on an individual basis.

Thank you God, for moments like this. Thank you that even though I don't listen to you all the time, you still get messages to me and my family. Please give me the courage to lead my family and keep the focus of their hearts as the most important way of providing for them. I am weak, but you can do great things through me!

As you finish reading this, we ask for your prayers. We ask that we would have amazing wisdom and clarity and that we would pursue His leading with reckless abandon!

Excuse Me...Did You Lose Something?

Last night, as Heather and I were finishing kitchen cleanup and making our way to bed after another long day, we had the first opportunity to really talk. Not just be in the same car or the same room like we did most of the day, but give each other our undivided attention. As Heather continued to talk and share her heart, I realized that it was snowballing into more than either of us planned. God gave me a great opportunity to appreciate my wife and what REALLY lies in her heart. Our time ended with tears and much needed prayers. I know how my wife goes way beyond the call of duty (often to her detriment). In the middle of the whole process, I again realized the weights my wife carries (or ones that are pushed on her) and this verse popped into my head:

"If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles." Matthew 5:41

So, how'd we get there, you ask? I guess it all started when I heard that someone said to Heather, "So, it looks like things are going pretty great for you guys." At first glance, this seems like a pretty benign statement. And you know what? Things are not just pretty great, they are really great compared to many other people in this world. We have a marriage relationship that gets better the more we are together (seriously, it's crazy), we have our kids who we can hug and kiss (not enough), we are experiencing physical health in a whole new dimension with Sy, we have a roof and beds to sleep in, I have a job that pays (most of) the bills, we have cars that run, we have a great community around us, and we have a Father that continues to call us out to a life of abundance. The list goes on and on, but I'm sure you get the idea.

But there's the other side of things that people don't necessarily see. The fact that our marriage has taken the biggest beating ever over the last several years... That although it's so worth it, this therapy doesn't stop and it's more work than the two of us can handle... That our kids are actively seeking God, asking questions, and are ready to be led, but there's often times no one is available for this meaningful conversation... That there are still serious concerns about Heather and her physcial health, lack of sleep, and emotional load... That our world is really financially crumbling even though I know without a doubt that God has led me where I am professionally... That we recently received news that radically affects our household and the future of our family as we know it (another blog post to come)...

And all this just underscores my point.

My wife has numerous reasons to complain, whine, fall on the floor, kick, scream, walk away, bail out, flip the bird, etc. But that's not who she really is. I know it. I get to see and experience her heart in a way that other's don't. Even though she's left at home with four little rascals, she ultimately chooses JOY. Even though homeschooling with two babies is not really possible, she chooses JOY. Even though a juicing/nutritional therapy is way too much for our family, she chooses JOY. Even though she doesn't get a break and has been begging me to find an "Alice" (like from the Brady Bunch), she still chooses JOY. Even though her husband has constant bad breath and leaves messes, she still chooses JOY. Even though she is often buried beneath huge amounts of verbal vomit, a hand sticks out and waves a JOY flag. Even when everything around her is screaming at her to let go of her joy, SHE WON'T LET GO.

So why does is appear "like things are going pretty great for you guys?" Because our God who is Great shines His Spirit through my wife in ways I only wish I could. When Heather speaks to others, she is intentional and focuses on them more than herself. When she fields complaints and deals with "life-drainers," she continues to do everything she can to be a "life-giver."

I'm often embarrassed by how differently I would handle the conversations she has with people. Since I love to drag out and drop the huge axe of sarcasm, I've told her to start telling people that complain that "...I am so bored every day. We really wish we had something to fill our time. Our family just sits around with blank stares on their faces."

I know for a fact that I married the right person. Thank you, God, for making my wife unlike any other!

If you see this lady, will you please give her our number?

Sy Lights Up The Studio!

I know I have been extremely annoying about getting you any details about the show. What fun is it if I don't keep you in suspense, right? Well, let's just say that there was some "paperwork" that says that I can't discuss much about it before it airs (we are still waiting for the air date, btw). In the meantime, we'll give a few obscure details about our day and all the things happening around us...

Before you read any further, just know that our family is continuing to seek God first on all of this. Even on the day of the shoot, it was easy to get swept up in nerves, excitement, etc. and miss what is REALLY happening. If you go back and read from when this blog started, you can see the amazing story that God is already weaving into this little boy's life. Heather and I have fought hard to not just sit back and let life happen or get sucked in to complacency. We want all the aspects of our lives to reflect the real reason behind them (though we are not always successful, we try). You cannot look over Sy's journey and say that it's only about a boy with a incurable disease. God has given him an incredible platform and we want to be good stewards of his story and use it to help others. We are just waiting and trying to make ourselves available for whatever God has next or for the next person who needs to be reached... We have walked in this valley in hopes that others can be spared and ultimately to encourage them with the hope of healing... Patience is not always our strong suit, but then it only takes thinking about Sy and the amount of patience required to live with his struggle, EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Anyway...now for a few details!

Our family got to hang in the green room as we waited for our time to go on the set. We finally got to meet some of the great people we had been speaking with on the phone for weeks. They were really fun to work with and took care of us in so many ways. They even had someone to entertain and babysit the kiddies as we were in and out. Here is Sy with his remarkable Dixie cup castle. Isn't he handsome?

Sy's sis, Essi, had a great attitude the whole time as her little brother got a lot of attention. We will say her beauty got the attention of several TV folks! She is another one who is ready to be used by God!

As Heather got dolled up, these were the shoes that were chosen for her to wear. If you know Heather, you probably know how she felt about wearing these... She also had to lose the jeans and slip on some black dress pants. And change her shirt and add a blazer... She jokes that she looked like she was ready to anchor the 6:00 evening news!

Since I was so sharply dressed when I arrived (in the only nice Target shirt that I own), the only thing they changed on me were my shoes. I swear I was ready for the ski jump in these things. Every time I turned a corner, I would knock people down. Since they wouldn't be seen much, I didn't throw a fit.

So, here's the final product before we hit the big lights!

Soon after this we were whisked away for the shoot. The shoot went great and I managed to avoid throwing up on the hosts (bonus!). Now that it's over, we can just leave it in His hands to do what He likes. Please pray that whether things are good or bad, we would continue to keep our focus on the right thing.

Like I said before, we can't share many photos and details now, but we promise to get the details about the air date as soon as we know. In the meantime, we will share a photo of a really nice guy that we met while we were in NYC. Scroll down...

Our First Bite Of The Big Apple...

Ok, so day number one has been a success! We have packed many things in one day! Here are a few highlights:

Although my navigating skills were a little off and we ended up heading in the wrong direction a few times, we still got to enjoy our first NY subway ride.

We had a great opportunity to see much of the city because we spent most of the day on foot. Both the kiddos were real champs about walking several miles today.

We were able to secure Sy's fresh made juices and we were relieved to know that he wouldn't miss a beat.

A cruise through Times Square gave us a chance to snag a New Yorker for a quick and memorable pic!

This city a also a great place to run into celebs! Look who we bumped in to! (I never knew he wore patented leather shoes with his armor.)

We had to ship many of Sy's food prep supplies up from Florida, but we also had to get our hands on all the produce. We happened to find this sweet little corner organic market that beat the pants off any place at home. Believe it or not, the prices were even better!

We needed a way to get all this produce home without lugging it for miles, so we were able to hop in for our first NY taxi ride. I did my best to be annoyingly chatty with the driver, but he wasn't much of a conversationalist.

And lastly...

How could we call it a day without staying up late to throw together a fresh batch of soup, mill it, and clean up everything in a mini kitchen?

Thanks NYC! We are looking forward to our next day tomorrow...

Things Are Suddenly Moving At Light Speed!

So, today marks the beginning of an exciting week! We are still coming off the high of the Snowflake 5K and we now are looking forward to hosting some cool folks in our home today. A camera crew and reporter from a popular, national talk show will be coming to spend the entire day with us to get a glimpse of our family's routine and Sy's God-authored story. As some of you know, there will be plenty of energy from this household for these folks to capture. We just hope that these peeps like the smell of veggies simmering, the aroma of fresh carrot juice, and seeing every Lego creation in our home!

Today will be a big day and we hope to clearly portray the way that God has blessed us with the immense challenges and miraculous times of provision through family, friends, and even those we don't even know. Anyone can easily see the incredible power of love and support poured on our household as we struggle through healing our son.

After this experience, we will step onto a plane early next week and find ourselves in the midst of the Big Apple for his national TV debut. (Is America really ready for such a handsome and lion-hearted boy?) With the help of our hosts and countless logistics, we have made arrangements so that Sy's therapy will hopefully be seamless and without interruption. We will keep y'all up to date as we encounter these unique and fun changes. (We promise lots of pictures to come!)

I'm not exactly how much we can share in the digital world yet, but we promise to provide whatever details we can when we can... Stay tuned for more!

One last thing before we embark on this journey... Please pray for us and that the true reason behind our family's adventures shine through Sy's smile, Heather's smokin' hot looks, and my buffoonery. For all of you who know us, you know that all of this could not be happening on our own efforts. We ask for the right words to express the events and emotions that have emerged over the years. We love all of you and know that our bottom line is to bless those who can benefit from our experience and our desire to reach out to those in need.

And away we go...

Looking Ahead to Hindsight...

As we've been approaching the New Year, our family has been thinking through some big questions. We've been taking a real hard look at our life and looking at it from the perspective of 30-40 years from now. Do you ever think about that? It sure brings up A LOT of questions...

Did we follow our God-given passions or sell out to someone else's idea of success?

Were we obedient? The first time, every time, and with a happy heart?

Will we have accomplished what we felt we needed to or did we waste most of our time?

Did we do absolutely everything we could to honor our marriage?

How will we be seen by those around us? Faithful? Joyful? Kind? Peaceful?

Will we have any regrets?

Were we ACTIVELY involved in raising our children to the best of our ability?

Did we pursue health in all aspects or did we allow unhealth to seep in?

Even as I write these questions, I'm kinda scared to answer these now. So, how do we make sure that we will be able to answer these with no hesitation and with ethusiasm?

As you may know, 10 years ago, Heather and I took a huge step and obeyed a call made on our lives. Although it was scary, it was the best ride we've ever been on. We saw miracles happen frequently and our direction was clear. I'm not kidding, our paths really were straight! Even though that phase didn't end the way we planned, our hearts and our marriage were in the best place they could be. It was a life of living with no regrets...

10 years have passed now and we continue to see blessings and miracles come our way, regardless of the amount of our faithfulness. We look around and see more than we deserve and we are watching Sy be healed from a disease with no cure! From the outside, everything is perfect. We have pursued the more "traditional" route and it's worked out fairly well. Even though our resources don't add up on paper, God has provided for us in huge ways. Our life has definitely felt like Elijah in 1 Kings 17:

God then told Elijah, “Get out of here, and fast. Head east and hide out at the Kerith Ravine on the other side of the Jordan River. You can drink fresh water from the brook; I’ve ordered the ravens to feed you.” Elijah obeyed God’s orders. He went and camped in the Kerith canyon on the other side of the Jordan. And sure enough, ravens brought him his meals, both breakfast and supper, and he drank from the brook. Eventually the brook dried up because of the drought. Then God spoke to him: “Get up and go to Zarephath in Sidon and live there. I’ve instructed a woman who lives there, a widow, to feed you.”

But, the question is, what do you do when you sense your brook has dried up? What do we do when we feel that God is calling us to a new life? How do we not question God and say that the way he has been providing was just fine and we'd prefer to just keep things that way?

"Before we respond, could You please give specifics on how exactly you will provide next?"

"Lord, it just doesn't make sense to change things now!"

"Even though we are continuing to struggle, look at all the work we've done to get here! And we may not be able to get back here if Your plan doesn't pan out!"

These are all conversations and feelings that have been stirring around... However, when the worrying settles down and we stop and listen to our hearts, we know that we have been circumventing the life we were created for. Oh brother, if you only knew the things we have considered...

Late last night, Heather and I came across a network of people who have left the life they knew to live a fuller life. An abundant life. A life of spending time investing in a Kingdom, rather than things we could care less about. A life to use the gifts we love to use, rather than burying them deep under busyness, menial tasks, and stress. A life that doesn't push our faith, our marriage, our children, and our friends to the side. It's calling to us...in a big way.

But how do we get from here to there? Open doors, Lord! We're ready!

"You have 22 new messages."

I’m so busy.   Life is crazy.    I can’t breathe.    I’m tired.    I’m stressed.    It’s chaotic. 

So lately I’ve been doing a lot of listening, studying, and soul searching in regards to busyness. It seems like I hear people over and over talk about how busy they are, how tired they are, or how crazy their lives have become. In this age, we are overwhelmed with emails, voicemails, facebook notifications, text messages, etc. We can never just power off, or so we think. We lose our sense of margin. We are always running from one activity or event to the next... Our time of “rest” entails grabbing a cup of coffee at our local Starbucks usually with our laptop or phone in hand. Sometimes it’s like we almost measure people’s “success” based on what their calendar looks like and how booked out they are. “Maybe we can get together in three weeks?” I often hear moms applauded for all that they do--the busier, the better. And if they manage to do this, this, this, this and this... Wow! Then they are really amazing! On the other hand, if you are a person that does have any time or extra margin in your life, you must be a loser that doesn’t get invited out to do much. 

We can even be busy for the sake of the gospel but meanwhile, are we “losing our own souls?” I can be as busy, scheduled, and stressed out as the next person but internally I struggle with this because for me, once I start running ragged my spiritual life definitely takes a nose dive. Where is the joy He promises? Christ died to give us the abundant life. I’m not sure that the word abundant here equates an overly full calendar with our reminder alarms going off every five minutes. I’m learning that the abundant life is a choice and that we are not victims of our schedule or how we spend our time (and I seem to forget this daily and have to keep reminding myself over and over). :)

I think the Scriptures are clear and Elijah can attest that God doesn’t always yell but rather gently whispers (1 Kings 19:11-12). I just love this passage... So I have to be self-reflective, “Am I taking the time to hear His gentle whispers? Am I listening at all? Am I quiet and still before Him? What does that even look like?” “Where is my joy?”

Soul care is something that I’ve realized through the years is absolutely necessary, although definitely not something I have mastered. Our mentor and dear friend, Stephen Smith, has written several amazing books but I am currently enjoying his one entitled Soul Custody--Choosing To Care For the One and Only You. He states that we are given only one life to live. We can’t go back and hit the re-start button. “...the message of soul care seems to contradict some of the most fundamental teachings of Jesus Christ, like, ‘Deny yourself,’ and, ‘The man who hates his life will keep it?’” But Steve beautifully writes, “Caring for your soul is never a selfish or egotistical act. It’s really an act of stewardship. We steward our souls by caring for them well. How can we continually give what we do not have? Caring for the soul is an act through which God can replenish your heart, restore your soul, and revive your day so you can meet the challenges of life, work, and relationships. Far from being labeled as sin, soul care is actually a biblical command.”

Proverbs 4:23:  “Above all else, guard your heart. For it is the wellspring of life.”

Deuteronomy 4:9 “Only take care, and keep your soul diligently.”

God invites us to rest easy in Him and only after that can we effectively love and minister to those around us--whether it’s our spouse, our children, friends, or others in need. Jesus was a great example of this cycle in his life. I’m learning that if I have put nothing into my own soul care then how can I pour myself out for others? 

So anyway, I’m loving this mighty reminder to take custody of my soul and to step further into intimacy with God. It’s something worth fighting for! It’s easy to get caught up with thinking that I don’t have the time but really, what else is more crucial and satisfying than resting completely in the arms of our Savior? Just to rest... soak in his love... feel his embrace... lay my burdens at his feet... let my worries fade away... and know in my innermost being that I am His beloved. 

“Soul Custody is a clarion call--a prophetic call to do something significant with your life before it’s too late.”  --Gary Chapman 

About the Author...

So who am I? I suddenly realized that after blogging for over two and a half years, I've never taken the time to tell who I am and what is currently on my heart.

I'm Heather!

I try to be groovy, green, and keep my heart gunk-free. I am God's beloved and strive to live as an ordinary radical on this journey of life (more on that later). I am a mother of 4 small children--Esther (7). Silas (6). Phoebe (almost 2), and Asher (4 months). Believe it or not--fertility, pregnancy, and childbirth did not come easy to me and all of my children are definitely miracles.

Sy & Essi

I used to be a public high school teacher and cross country coach back in the day... I now homeschool Essi and Sy and that tends to be a daily adventure! For those who don't know us, Sy is a special needs kid. He is allergic to all food. Seriously. He was diagnosed with Eosinophilic Esophagitis and is now ironically undergoing the Gerson Therapy in hopes to heal him.

He is in 1st grade and Essi is in 2nd grade. Phoebe is about to enter toddlerhood and Ashy has just entered "smileyhood." I cloth diaper (crazy I know; future blog post) and our home/lifestyle has to be very green for Sy's healing (and to also be good stewards of this earth). My husband, Jordan, is a firefighter and a paramedic and selflessly puts his life on the line in order to serve others.

Phoebe

Asher

This is a big year for us. In 2002, God called us into full-time missions. Obviously, this was before we had kids. I had been on staff at a church in Atlanta for a few years and just loved it. During that time, God grabbed a hold of both Jordan and my hearts and asked us to leave it all behind. We gladly obeyed, stepped out in faith, and lived out of a VW Vanagon (with two large dogs) and traveled the country to raise support. Toasty, our "home" for that year, was super groovy and we just loved her.

Toasty

We were living on mission in every sense of the word. We had raised our support in record time and then... In 2003, that chapter abruptly crashed ending in our brokenness. We knew that God had called us to the mission field--no question about it--but we later realized that He called us in order to break us. For us to come to the very end of ourselves with nowhere to turn but upward. We had given up all that we knew--lost everything if you will--but it was for heaven's gain. It was through sweet surrender that we experienced the loving, healing had of God (The Potter's Inn).

We love the verse John 10:10--"...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." So the last 9 years have been great and we are richly blessed. We are so thankful! It's a bit shocking though that so many years have already passed us by... 4 kids later, several moves, a new career, an amazing church, supportive friends and family, and we are still in pursuit of what God wants to do with our crazy little family. We've needed the rest. We've needed the time to heal, plant roots, focus on our marriage and children, gain education, gather life experiences, etc. but that call on our lives... Those last words of Christ that continually ring in our ears... 

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (Matthew 28:19-20)

We try to ignore it but, almost a decade later, it's still there. As I teach it to my children, they ask, "Why aren't we doing that?" "What does that look like?" Bam! No escaping it. No beating around the bush with them. 

So as I try to stick to the topic and explain who I am, I feel like I can't appropriately do it without explaining what's been on my heart lately. This is what my husband and I talk about when we get a free moment... What we dream about... This yearning is it. So what is next for us? We're not sure. We would covet your prayers. Even as we homeschool this year, our theme is on different countries and cultures and we are ALL on our faces seeking God for his favor and direction on what lies ahead for the Hargers. It may be to stay exactly where we are but just to focus the lens of our lives a bit differently. We want to be content but not get too comfortable... Are we out making disciples? Are we going to the ends of the earth? What are we truly sacrificing for the poor? ...the widowed? ...the orphaned? Do we even interact with these people that Jesus loved so much? So this is where we are on our journey. I truly love my life but the reality is that we were called by Jesus to give it all up--everything. His call is to come and take up the cross (Luke 9:23). It is a call to radical faith, complete surrender, total abandonment, and forsaking everything. His power is made perfect in our weakness.

I don't want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit. I want people to look at my life and know that I couldn't be doing this by my own power. I want to live in such a way that I am desperate for [God] to come through... I don't believe that God wants me (or any of his children) to live in a way that makes sense from the world's perspective, a way I know I can "manage." I believe He is calling me--and all of us--to depend on Him for living in a way that cannot be mimicked or forged. He wants us to walk in step with His Spirit rather than depend solely on the raw talent and knowledge He's given us.  

                                                                                        -Francis Chan

Wow! It is really a call to die. It totally scares me yet awakens me to my core because I know it is truth. So please pray with us. Pray for us to be ordinary radicals for the Kingdom. Pray that those opportunities would arise so we can move forward. 

Meanwhile, how can we pray for you? Let us know!