Looking Ahead to Hindsight...

As we've been approaching the New Year, our family has been thinking through some big questions. We've been taking a real hard look at our life and looking at it from the perspective of 30-40 years from now. Do you ever think about that? It sure brings up A LOT of questions...

Did we follow our God-given passions or sell out to someone else's idea of success?

Were we obedient? The first time, every time, and with a happy heart?

Will we have accomplished what we felt we needed to or did we waste most of our time?

Did we do absolutely everything we could to honor our marriage?

How will we be seen by those around us? Faithful? Joyful? Kind? Peaceful?

Will we have any regrets?

Were we ACTIVELY involved in raising our children to the best of our ability?

Did we pursue health in all aspects or did we allow unhealth to seep in?

Even as I write these questions, I'm kinda scared to answer these now. So, how do we make sure that we will be able to answer these with no hesitation and with ethusiasm?

As you may know, 10 years ago, Heather and I took a huge step and obeyed a call made on our lives. Although it was scary, it was the best ride we've ever been on. We saw miracles happen frequently and our direction was clear. I'm not kidding, our paths really were straight! Even though that phase didn't end the way we planned, our hearts and our marriage were in the best place they could be. It was a life of living with no regrets...

10 years have passed now and we continue to see blessings and miracles come our way, regardless of the amount of our faithfulness. We look around and see more than we deserve and we are watching Sy be healed from a disease with no cure! From the outside, everything is perfect. We have pursued the more "traditional" route and it's worked out fairly well. Even though our resources don't add up on paper, God has provided for us in huge ways. Our life has definitely felt like Elijah in 1 Kings 17:

God then told Elijah, “Get out of here, and fast. Head east and hide out at the Kerith Ravine on the other side of the Jordan River. You can drink fresh water from the brook; I’ve ordered the ravens to feed you.” Elijah obeyed God’s orders. He went and camped in the Kerith canyon on the other side of the Jordan. And sure enough, ravens brought him his meals, both breakfast and supper, and he drank from the brook. Eventually the brook dried up because of the drought. Then God spoke to him: “Get up and go to Zarephath in Sidon and live there. I’ve instructed a woman who lives there, a widow, to feed you.”

But, the question is, what do you do when you sense your brook has dried up? What do we do when we feel that God is calling us to a new life? How do we not question God and say that the way he has been providing was just fine and we'd prefer to just keep things that way?

"Before we respond, could You please give specifics on how exactly you will provide next?"

"Lord, it just doesn't make sense to change things now!"

"Even though we are continuing to struggle, look at all the work we've done to get here! And we may not be able to get back here if Your plan doesn't pan out!"

These are all conversations and feelings that have been stirring around... However, when the worrying settles down and we stop and listen to our hearts, we know that we have been circumventing the life we were created for. Oh brother, if you only knew the things we have considered...

Late last night, Heather and I came across a network of people who have left the life they knew to live a fuller life. An abundant life. A life of spending time investing in a Kingdom, rather than things we could care less about. A life to use the gifts we love to use, rather than burying them deep under busyness, menial tasks, and stress. A life that doesn't push our faith, our marriage, our children, and our friends to the side. It's calling to us...in a big way.

But how do we get from here to there? Open doors, Lord! We're ready!

Say What, Doc?

For all of you who are praying for Sy's health, we have some HUGE news for you!

As some of you know, Silas underwent an endoscopy late last month in order for us to see any effects the Gerson therapy on his esophagus. With the number of grueling hours we have spent juicing, simmering, grinding, and washing, we had to get some sort of status on our direction. Is all of the energy and resources invested in this therapy really worth it? We've definitely had our moments of wanting to quit. But after starting Gerson, we've seen outward improvement, so we were expecting to see some inward improvement. That same day, the doctor told us that the pictures from the procedure showed that Sy's esophagus was indeed healing. Needless to say, we were thrilled with that news! However, we have been disappointed before with decent pictures of his esophagus and the biopsies later revealing that his disease was as active as ever. Talk about frustrating!

So, after this recent endoscopy, the real answers would lie in the results of his biopsies... So we've waited and waited for results...

Finally, I anxiously took the call and the doctor informed me that Sy's eosinophilic count was extremely low. How low? Low enough to be considered in normal range!!! 

How do you put a miracle into words? This disease supposedly has no cure and now his count is within normal?! This is nothing short of God using the Gerson Therapy to heal our boy. In fact, we were strongly advised against doing the therapy from the doctors a couple of weeks before this last endoscopy and we were almost overwhelmed with discouragement, but we've known God has placed us on this Gerson journey for a reason. Despite having heavy hearts, we clung to prayer and hope. And now this is the news we've been dreaming about... This is truly a miracle! We can't stop smiling.

So does this mean that all of the work of the therapy is over? No way. This confirms that all the work we are doing is worth the effort and we are moving in the right direction. Sy's body has had an extremely rough start, so must continue to slowly reintroduce new foods that will give his body the nutrition it needs. He still has 2-3 more years on the therapy so his body has a chance to fix what has been wrong for so many years. In reality, Sy may never eat "normal" but he'll certainly eat healthy. :) So now we will try to fill in some of the nutritional gaps with some additional foods from the therapy very slowly--starting with one food at a time. Needless to say, Sy is excited to taste something new! Just imagine that in time, it is possible that he may not have the same lunch and dinner every day!

Well, I need to mention again that Sy would not be where he is with his health and we could not continue the therapy without the love and support of those surrounding us. Let us just say that God is doing an amazing work here through you all! He has used you to perform this miracle. It has taken a village to keep Sy on the therapy and we are so grateful. There are too many of you to count, but know that the Harger family thanks you from the bottom of our hearts--with every carrot we juice (which is right around 1,000 carrots per month)!

I'm sure you all have lots of questions about what the doctor said, future endoscopies, etc. and we will gladly give more details later. We just wanted to get the news out asap. We love you all and please spread the word for anyone you know struggling with EE that there is an alternative way that seems to really work. (I'm still speechless...)

There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finishing on the very day Christ Jesus appears. (Phil 1:6)

Frozen Sweat?

Hey Everyone!

We have some exciting news to share!

If you haven't heard already, a great group of folks are organizing a really fun road race here in Clermont to help with the cost of Sy's treatment. They are even bringing 4 tons of snow into the sunshine state. Check it out!

Sy's Snowflake 5K

In just the few weeks of organizing this event, there have been some more than incredible happenings. We have some huge sponsors already and we will start posting some of these specifics soon. The starting momentum of this event is telling us that this is going to be much bigger and better than we hoped!

Come join the fun and don't pull a hammy!

"You have 22 new messages."

I’m so busy.   Life is crazy.    I can’t breathe.    I’m tired.    I’m stressed.    It’s chaotic. 

So lately I’ve been doing a lot of listening, studying, and soul searching in regards to busyness. It seems like I hear people over and over talk about how busy they are, how tired they are, or how crazy their lives have become. In this age, we are overwhelmed with emails, voicemails, facebook notifications, text messages, etc. We can never just power off, or so we think. We lose our sense of margin. We are always running from one activity or event to the next... Our time of “rest” entails grabbing a cup of coffee at our local Starbucks usually with our laptop or phone in hand. Sometimes it’s like we almost measure people’s “success” based on what their calendar looks like and how booked out they are. “Maybe we can get together in three weeks?” I often hear moms applauded for all that they do--the busier, the better. And if they manage to do this, this, this, this and this... Wow! Then they are really amazing! On the other hand, if you are a person that does have any time or extra margin in your life, you must be a loser that doesn’t get invited out to do much. 

We can even be busy for the sake of the gospel but meanwhile, are we “losing our own souls?” I can be as busy, scheduled, and stressed out as the next person but internally I struggle with this because for me, once I start running ragged my spiritual life definitely takes a nose dive. Where is the joy He promises? Christ died to give us the abundant life. I’m not sure that the word abundant here equates an overly full calendar with our reminder alarms going off every five minutes. I’m learning that the abundant life is a choice and that we are not victims of our schedule or how we spend our time (and I seem to forget this daily and have to keep reminding myself over and over). :)

I think the Scriptures are clear and Elijah can attest that God doesn’t always yell but rather gently whispers (1 Kings 19:11-12). I just love this passage... So I have to be self-reflective, “Am I taking the time to hear His gentle whispers? Am I listening at all? Am I quiet and still before Him? What does that even look like?” “Where is my joy?”

Soul care is something that I’ve realized through the years is absolutely necessary, although definitely not something I have mastered. Our mentor and dear friend, Stephen Smith, has written several amazing books but I am currently enjoying his one entitled Soul Custody--Choosing To Care For the One and Only You. He states that we are given only one life to live. We can’t go back and hit the re-start button. “...the message of soul care seems to contradict some of the most fundamental teachings of Jesus Christ, like, ‘Deny yourself,’ and, ‘The man who hates his life will keep it?’” But Steve beautifully writes, “Caring for your soul is never a selfish or egotistical act. It’s really an act of stewardship. We steward our souls by caring for them well. How can we continually give what we do not have? Caring for the soul is an act through which God can replenish your heart, restore your soul, and revive your day so you can meet the challenges of life, work, and relationships. Far from being labeled as sin, soul care is actually a biblical command.”

Proverbs 4:23:  “Above all else, guard your heart. For it is the wellspring of life.”

Deuteronomy 4:9 “Only take care, and keep your soul diligently.”

God invites us to rest easy in Him and only after that can we effectively love and minister to those around us--whether it’s our spouse, our children, friends, or others in need. Jesus was a great example of this cycle in his life. I’m learning that if I have put nothing into my own soul care then how can I pour myself out for others? 

So anyway, I’m loving this mighty reminder to take custody of my soul and to step further into intimacy with God. It’s something worth fighting for! It’s easy to get caught up with thinking that I don’t have the time but really, what else is more crucial and satisfying than resting completely in the arms of our Savior? Just to rest... soak in his love... feel his embrace... lay my burdens at his feet... let my worries fade away... and know in my innermost being that I am His beloved. 

“Soul Custody is a clarion call--a prophetic call to do something significant with your life before it’s too late.”  --Gary Chapman 

Queen Bee's Birthday! Part 1

So, you know those times when you look at your little girl and you realize that if you blink, you might miss one of those beautiful moments in life? Thanks to a family member blessing us, Heather and I had the privledge and honor of taking our sweet little girl for a day of fun to celebrate turning two years old! Here are a few pics from the day. I can already picture us when we're old and gray looking back on an amazing blessing... Hope you enjoy as well.

All dressed up and ready to go!

Phoebe's favorite character, "Mummow"!

Angelic!

Mommy and Bee

Someone is having a good time!

Oh & the Disney promotion folks thought she was cute too and kept snapping her picture. Keep a look out for her on any Disney advertising! Wouldn't that be something?!

Thank you, God for entrusting us with this great bundle of joy. Let us continue to pour Your love into her heart every day!

We love you so, so much Phoebe! Happy Birthday!

Carefree and Gluten Free!!!

So, this is a post for my readers! I get a lot of questions in regards to being gluten free...

How do you do it? What can you eat? What is gluten? What all is it in? Why do you do it?

The task of going gluten free can seem rather daunting at first but it is definitely manageable and not that big of deal once you figure it all out. I was diagnosed with Celiac's disease over a year ago and sadly had to give up all of that yummy, gluten goodness. Most people don't even know this about me because I'm really not into talking about diseases and diagnoses (despite Sy's stuff); I don't like to identify myself or my kids by their health issues. We have too many blessings to be overshadowed by our little "glitches." However, I get asked so many gluten questions (from those who know that I just don't eat it), that I thought it was worth a post. I do this in hopes of helping someone out there who needs some encouragement or direction.

Even though I've only been completely GF for over a year, I've been very familiar with it for the last five years or so. Back when Sy was a 18 months and was actually eating some foods, he had to stop with the gluten because of his allergies and, surprisingly, because he was on the autism spectrum back then. Yeah, crazy that there was a time he was on the spectrum! You would never know it today and I definitely think that going GF helped in his situation. (If you have more specific questions in regards to that, feel free to ask.) There were several times in the last few years that we all just stopped eating it. It was pretty amazing how much better Jordan and I felt.

So for me, it is not merely a preference of not eating gluten or just a mild sensitivity; my body cannot handle it. Celiac's disease can often lead to other more serious or life threatening diseases. I'm not worried at all about it because I know God has it under control. I just do my part and am very careful to stay away from gluten, not only in my diet but also in personal care products. You wouldn't believe what all it is in--make up, hair care products, soaps, lotions etc. You see it in almost every ingredient list and it likes to hide under loads of different names/labels. It is definitely a lifestyle change but if you think you need to go GF, you absolutely can do it and you'll probably end up not missing it much.

I am slowly starting a modified version of the Gerson Therapy (mostly raw foods, vegan) so I know that some day the Celiac's won't even be an issue. Yahoo! Meanwhile, going GF can be very enjoyable, simple, cheap and not a big deal. Soooo, I don't want to bore you with any more random details. If you have specific questions, please comment below or shoot me an email. If you're on the fence about trying it, go for it!!! You may just be surprised how much better you can feel!

About the Author...

So who am I? I suddenly realized that after blogging for over two and a half years, I've never taken the time to tell who I am and what is currently on my heart.

I'm Heather!

I try to be groovy, green, and keep my heart gunk-free. I am God's beloved and strive to live as an ordinary radical on this journey of life (more on that later). I am a mother of 4 small children--Esther (7). Silas (6). Phoebe (almost 2), and Asher (4 months). Believe it or not--fertility, pregnancy, and childbirth did not come easy to me and all of my children are definitely miracles.

Sy & Essi

I used to be a public high school teacher and cross country coach back in the day... I now homeschool Essi and Sy and that tends to be a daily adventure! For those who don't know us, Sy is a special needs kid. He is allergic to all food. Seriously. He was diagnosed with Eosinophilic Esophagitis and is now ironically undergoing the Gerson Therapy in hopes to heal him.

He is in 1st grade and Essi is in 2nd grade. Phoebe is about to enter toddlerhood and Ashy has just entered "smileyhood." I cloth diaper (crazy I know; future blog post) and our home/lifestyle has to be very green for Sy's healing (and to also be good stewards of this earth). My husband, Jordan, is a firefighter and a paramedic and selflessly puts his life on the line in order to serve others.

Phoebe

Asher

This is a big year for us. In 2002, God called us into full-time missions. Obviously, this was before we had kids. I had been on staff at a church in Atlanta for a few years and just loved it. During that time, God grabbed a hold of both Jordan and my hearts and asked us to leave it all behind. We gladly obeyed, stepped out in faith, and lived out of a VW Vanagon (with two large dogs) and traveled the country to raise support. Toasty, our "home" for that year, was super groovy and we just loved her.

Toasty

We were living on mission in every sense of the word. We had raised our support in record time and then... In 2003, that chapter abruptly crashed ending in our brokenness. We knew that God had called us to the mission field--no question about it--but we later realized that He called us in order to break us. For us to come to the very end of ourselves with nowhere to turn but upward. We had given up all that we knew--lost everything if you will--but it was for heaven's gain. It was through sweet surrender that we experienced the loving, healing had of God (The Potter's Inn).

We love the verse John 10:10--"...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." So the last 9 years have been great and we are richly blessed. We are so thankful! It's a bit shocking though that so many years have already passed us by... 4 kids later, several moves, a new career, an amazing church, supportive friends and family, and we are still in pursuit of what God wants to do with our crazy little family. We've needed the rest. We've needed the time to heal, plant roots, focus on our marriage and children, gain education, gather life experiences, etc. but that call on our lives... Those last words of Christ that continually ring in our ears... 

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (Matthew 28:19-20)

We try to ignore it but, almost a decade later, it's still there. As I teach it to my children, they ask, "Why aren't we doing that?" "What does that look like?" Bam! No escaping it. No beating around the bush with them. 

So as I try to stick to the topic and explain who I am, I feel like I can't appropriately do it without explaining what's been on my heart lately. This is what my husband and I talk about when we get a free moment... What we dream about... This yearning is it. So what is next for us? We're not sure. We would covet your prayers. Even as we homeschool this year, our theme is on different countries and cultures and we are ALL on our faces seeking God for his favor and direction on what lies ahead for the Hargers. It may be to stay exactly where we are but just to focus the lens of our lives a bit differently. We want to be content but not get too comfortable... Are we out making disciples? Are we going to the ends of the earth? What are we truly sacrificing for the poor? ...the widowed? ...the orphaned? Do we even interact with these people that Jesus loved so much? So this is where we are on our journey. I truly love my life but the reality is that we were called by Jesus to give it all up--everything. His call is to come and take up the cross (Luke 9:23). It is a call to radical faith, complete surrender, total abandonment, and forsaking everything. His power is made perfect in our weakness.

I don't want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit. I want people to look at my life and know that I couldn't be doing this by my own power. I want to live in such a way that I am desperate for [God] to come through... I don't believe that God wants me (or any of his children) to live in a way that makes sense from the world's perspective, a way I know I can "manage." I believe He is calling me--and all of us--to depend on Him for living in a way that cannot be mimicked or forged. He wants us to walk in step with His Spirit rather than depend solely on the raw talent and knowledge He's given us.  

                                                                                        -Francis Chan

Wow! It is really a call to die. It totally scares me yet awakens me to my core because I know it is truth. So please pray with us. Pray for us to be ordinary radicals for the Kingdom. Pray that those opportunities would arise so we can move forward. 

Meanwhile, how can we pray for you? Let us know!

Bountiful Harvest of Friends!

As you all know, Sy is hitting the Gerson Therapy full force! Even though he can only have a very few of the allowed foods and still lives on a mostly liquid diet of juice and soup, the amount of produce needed is unbelievable. For Sy's diet, this is the amount of organic produce he goes through on a MONTHLY basis:

150 pounds of carrots
48 pounds of apples
25 heads of romaine
4 bunches of swiss chard
16 pounds of green peppers
12 pounds of onions
35 pounds of tomatoes
10 pounds of leeks
10 bunches of celery
4 bunches of flat leaf parsley
60 pounds of potatoes
A few oranges for juicing (everybody needs a treat, right?)

Sy and his personal fridge of goodness

As anyone can see, it is not only easy to get buried under the sheer amount of produce, but by the cost. A family of six on a firefighter's salary cannot make this happen on their own. When we think about taking on Sy's health by ourselves, we can easily get discouraged, but so many people have rallied around Sy and our family to make sure this kid gets healthy! Here are a few examples:

A few months ago, we were blessed by a group of folks who saw our need for produce and went way beyond to give us a tool to help lessen our costs. We were surprised to find out that people had come together to help purchase a tower garden for Sy. It is one of the coolest things ever! Putting a garden in our yard is not possible, so this tower allows us to grow an immense amount of food in a small area. It also allows us to make sure that the food we are harvesting is 100% organic. We are still learning the ins and outs (still working on our green thumbs), but this blessing was huge and the hearts that were behind it are simply amazing. Check this thing out:

Isn't it beautiful?

If you have a moment, check out the Living Towers site and see these great gardens! Thank you, Jessica and the Living Towers peeps for helping us kick EE to the curb!

Another way that God has provided is through our local organic coop group. Because Laura (the gal who runs it) has a great heart, she told us that she was burdened to help Sy in some way. Both she and her husband have grown the local coop and have put hours into making it easy for people to get great organic produce at a great price. Even though some local stores carry what Sy needs in his diet, the prices can be a deterrent. Not only has she provided great convience and pricing, but she found a way to rally the other members of the coop to buy a portion of what Sy needs. Since money was dwindling down in Sy's medical account, this ENORMOUS blessing has allowed us to continue the therapy longer! Just when we were coming to the end of our rope, God brings people into our lives to show that He cares for Sy and that no obstacle can stand in His way.

If you are local to Clermont and you are in need of organic produce, please consider checking out the Clermont Organic Co-op site and start getting great prices! You guys are making a tremendous impact on Sy's health and our family! We love y'all!

Thank you all for taking the time to read this! See you soon!
Jordan

Skeptically Simple

It truly is the simple things...

Our family took a vacation last month. From time to time, with some work and patience, we get these deals where we get a seven night stay somewhere for such a ridiculous amount you wouldn't believe. Although it seems to be too good to be true, we have done the math and it is almost cheaper for us to do these little vacations than to stay in our house (electricity, water, gas, etc.)! Needless to say, they have proven to be wonderful getaways in the midst of the chaos of the last couple of years. This vacation we decided to branch out and take a huge risk. There was no availability in the whole state except for this obscure place called Lehigh Resort Club in (the middle of nowhere) Lehigh Acres, Florida. The website is a true multimedia experience. We googled it and looked at pics and thought, "Well, how bad can this really be?" I must admit that I've seen some more appealing places to stay, but we were longing for a adventurous summer vacay. So what the heck?! We booked it!

But of course, we can't do anything normal... Who do you know that after basic luggage (with four small kids) still has to load the car with 50 lbs of carrots, 15lbs of apples and a huge juicer all for only one week? Only this family!

This place was so out in the boondocks that even Target was 30 minutes away. Fortunately, we did find a grocery store close by that was willing to order a few things that Sy needed for his therapy. We were looking forward to time together as a family and it looked like we were going to get plenty of it without many distractions.

So we arrived and the rooms were not exactly luxurious. Not great, but could have been worse although we didn't even have internet! In fact, they tried to give us some enormous internet box connection that may have inspired the Max Headroom idea. H-h-hello, can you say 1980's? However, the resort grounds were really quite beautiful so that was a bonus. For our first bit of excitement, we headed to the pool. We got to talking to some friendly folks (the average vacationer there looked to be about 65) and they were explaining that the week is so busy with events, activities, games and socials that no-one leaves the property. "Really?!" Now even though Lehigh is out in the sticks, it's only about 45 minutes from Fort Myers Beach. "How could you possibly be this close to the beach and not spend at least one day there?" Jordan and I literally laughed out loud and thought that these peeps were cute but ridiculous. There was no way that grandma's bingo game was going to keep me from the beach.

Here are a few photos from our stay...

Oh yeah!

Phoebe testing out the couch

Indoor shuffleboard

Sy won the coveted t-shirt twice (He beat other adults...no joke!!)

I also need to mention that our last day there was Sy's birthday! We wanted to do the typical party but most kids get frustrated and even though Sy doesn't care, they don't understand why we're not having cake and ice cream. So, that was part of why it was important for us to get away and do something extra special for little man's 6th birthday.

Bingo with the birthday boy... and he WON!

Multiple cards

A potato birthday cake??!!

Too much partying

Soooooo, remember what I said about bingo not keeping me from the beach? Um, well, yeah... We became some of those cute but ridiculous folks. Never left 'ol Lehigh. We just couldn't get enough. Indoor & outdoor shuffleboard, ping pong, poolside golf (use your imagination), bean bag toss, cards, golf cart rides, some silly dice game, fireworks, bingo, raffles, mini golf, and much more. Like their shirt says, "Endless opportunities for fun..." We are excited to visit again!

Sibling love

Outside of camping, this was probably the simplest and most lackluster vacation ever but it definitely was one of the best vacations ever! It was one of those times that, while we were there, we knew we would look back on and smile when we are old and gray... Thanks Lehigh Acres for providing our family with something no other place could.

THE Story!!

It's crazy to me that my latest love is already three months old! I always say that time stands still when you have a baby while it moves on for everyone else. So even after all this time, I'm still having requests to hear Asher's wild birth story and I've wanted to document it for myself, so here goes... I'm sure he'll be so thrilled to one day to read this!! :) Oh and I promise to make future blogs less wordy. I'm not a fan of a lot of words. 

For those that like less detail, feel free to jump down to the last couple paragraphs. 

Friday, May 4   

35ish weeks 

Jordan graduates from paramedic school. Hallelujah!
And I take a break from bedrest to go... :)

Celebrating with sparkling grape juice because we're crazy like that!

Saturday, May 5 

(This is God's sense of humor that less than 12 hours after graduation, the fun would really start--and about five weeks earlier than planned.)

4 a.m.     I wake up from a deep sleep with a horrific leg cramp and while I'm attempting to get up, I get that lovely water gush feeling and think to myself, "No, this can't be the real thing. Maybe I'll just go back to bed and sleep it off." Nice reasoning but it wasn't gonna work. My water had broken. The contractions started coming about 2 minutes apart but they were not intense. However, the timing was close enough that we needed to re-pack (since the birth center couldn't take me this early, I now was going to have to pack for a hospital birth). Oh, did I mention that I had worked really hard to finally get approved for a birth center natural birth with one of the most amazing midwives ever? There was definitely some disappointment that this dream wasn't going to happen. Once again for me, another baby was coming early.

6 a.m.     The contractions stopped. Like totally. Nothing.

7 a.m.     Went on a walk with a friend around my neighborhood. This will be one of my fondest memories from this birth. It was a beautiful Saturday morning and I was trying to soak in the realization that this baby is coming TODAY and be excited even though I wasn't in any pain yet. It was one of those surreal moments...

9:30 a.m.     Talked with the doula and she suggested I take a nap since things weren't moving along.

10:15 a.m.     Jordan's mom and friend come over. I can't sleep due to the kids' excitement of Grammy's arrival so I get up. After visiting with them a little, I start to get concerned that my labor is not progressing. I know that hospitals require babies to be born within 24 hours of ruptured waters or they start talking c-section. (Not something I wanted since I was hoping for "au naturale.") 

11:30 a.m. Head out for some Black Cohosh and castor oil. Nothing like washing it down with a Starbucks Peppermint Java Chip Frappucino. Seriously if you ever need to take anything nasty, wash it down with a fun drink. I never knew the oil was in there! :)

Here I am with my Black Cohosh and favorite gum.

1:00 p.m.     Headed up to our neighborhood clubhouse to walk on the treadmill. Oh the joys of living in Florida--it's so hot in May that I didn't want to get all sweaty outside and have to shower again. So, I opted to "walk" in some air conditioning. After about 5 minutes on the treadmill, the sensation hit and I had to run to the potty. The castor oil had kicked in! It was mild but nevertheless, not fun to have happen when you're not at home. Lol! :)

2:00 p.m.     Jordan's mom leaves and I'm starting to panic that nothing is happening. I'm getting close to the 12-hour mark since my water had broken.

3:45 p.m.     My sweet neighbor at the time (who used to be a labor and delivery nurse) came over to check on me (literally). It was pretty hilarious! She said that I was 2 cm and proceeded to teach Jordan how to check laboring women since I'm sure he will one day have to deliver a baby on the side of the road. This was rather comical. I guess I'd rather be his guinea pig than someone else's! Ha! Anyway, it was right after that I had a doozy of a contraction and I mean a doozy.

4:15 p.m.     She and I chat for a bit and then she leaves. I'm laboring on the birth ball at this point and I'm focusing on everything I've learned and trying to put it in to practice. 

4:38 p.m.     Our sweet babysitter, Christiana comes and takes our kiddies for the evening. I remember feeling badly and apologizing for not being more social. Um, what was I thinking?

4:48 p.m.     Cassie (my doula) arrives! I'm still hanging out on the birth ball and I'm now really starting to hurt. I was trying to focus during the pain and then chit chat between contractions with Cassie. (And yes, that is totally my personality to still try to be hospitable even during the worst pain of my life.)  Anyway, she made mention that I wasn't in active labor yet and I remember saying, "What?! I'm not in active labor?" Talk about feeling like a wussy. It wasn't long before the birth ball wasn't cutting it for me and I found my fun place slumped over the kitchen counter. (My contractions were now an average of five minutes apart or less.) 

5:30 p.m.     Jordan remembers that we should probably eat before we get to the hospital so he runs out to Chipotle... He's back around 6ish. I remember that was a fun dinner to get through.

The last supper

Hope that thing doesn't roll away!

So after dinner, I want to go for a walk until I walk outside my front door only to run back in and slump myself over my kitchen counter again. That was the only position I could handle. So Jordan and Cassie start talking about when to go to the hospital... Jordan thought maybe I should walk a mall or something so we could be in closer vicinity to Winnie Palmer Hospital... Lo and behold, I suddenly get this sheer panic that I'm not going to make it to the hospital. Things were progressing quickly. So we head out the door and I can't make it to the car without the help of my doula... Nothing like having a major contraction on your front walkway. Jordan opted to drive Cassie's truck and have her drive our Jeep Cherokee since Christiana had taken the van with our other kiddos. I must ask, have any of you actually ever ridden in a Jeep Cherokee? First of all, there's not much room and secondly, you can't recline at all so you're totally upright. Yeah, not a blast.

6:45 p.m.     Now I'm buckled in for the car ride of a lifetime. We headed to the hospital and I realized about 5 minutes into the ride that I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. We were right by the Publix near our house when Jordan called Cassie. The time then was 6:51 p.m. and it was after that my eyes were sealed shut. We were on a familiar winding road and I could tell where we were from the curves. I was in hurting more by the second. Then, I remembered that you're supposed to make low groans when in labor. I made low groans alright... They would start off low and end with me absolutely screaming! Poor Cassie. The woman had to drive, try to keep me calm, and talk me through my contractions all at the same time. All the while, I'm still thinking that I'm probably 2 or maybe 3 centimeters. My legs were up on the dashboard which I guess is a sign to a doula that they baby is coming but I didn't think anything about it. I was just trying to get comfortable in the most uncomfortable vehicle. Jordan called a couple more times but I think Cassie may have ignored his calls, I don't even remember. So Jordan knows that I'm obviously in labor but has NO CLUE how intense this has gotten. I remember the car being still for an eternity of time so I assumed we were at a stop light. I seriously was contemplating opening my passenger door and just flinging my body onto the road. I thought that would somehow give me relief from this agony I was in. Then I mumbled something to Cassie about getting me an ambulance. This was the longest 45-minute ride of my life. She starts praying scripture over me and it helped so much. She probably couldn't tell amidst my shrieks but it really was calming for me. 

7:32 p.m.     Finally, we arrive at the hospital. Jordan comes over to help me out of the car and hears me mumble about drugs and mildly rolls his eyes because he knew my goal was not to have them. I had such relief to stand up that he still didn't realize how close we were to having a baby--nor did I. So Cassie and I walk into the hospital atrium... Let me describe this hospital... The lobby area is one where they do registration and it is also the cafeteria seating area, so you can guess it... Yep, LOADS OF PEOPLE in there! I slump myself over their registration counter and I'm screaming like I've never screamed before. I mean, screeching at the top of my lungs. I think I sounded drunk when I was asking the poor registration ladies if the drugs were ready. Jordan said that the lobby suddenly was completely silent outside of my shrieking. I guess you could have heard a pin drop. Nice. They sent me on back and I bypassed triage registration. They rushed me into a tiny room and checked me. Everyone seemed frantic but I was so out of it, I thought that maybe I was now 4 cm. They wheeled the triage bed onto the elevator and it was a total blur to me as to what was going on. We get into the delivery room and the obstetrician looks under my sheet again and yells that this baby is BREECH! He hollered for a c-section and then the room filled up with even more medical folks. Jordan said that there was the OB at the foot of my bed with another doctor behind him, one nurse unsuccessfully trying to put in an IV in my left arm, another nurse holding my right hand in which we literally made a line for my signature, someone was shouting the risks of c-section, and the anesthesiologist was having me open my mouth to check my teeth (which I actually remember that) before intubating me. It was total chaos! 

7:39 p.m.     Meanwhile, the doc orders me not to push. Oh right. Obviously I didn't want to but this wave... (It is the only way I can describe it.) This total wave came over me and and I didn't know what had happened. I thought I had delivered my whole insides and that I had ripped from head to toe. 

First kiss

Cut on his bottom from delivery

My awesome doula

Jordan said that this baby came flying out hunched over like a laptop computer. They unfolded him and we didn't hear any sound immediately. I had no idea what was going on but Jordan was worried at first if the little man was ok. The nurses did their thing and then he came over to me a couple of minutes later and said, "He's okay and you're okay." I turned to my doula and said, "So was that without drugs?" She laughed and said, "Yes!" 

I have had the amazing blessing of attending 3 births (2 of them natural) and I knew this was out of the ordinary. I later saw a diagram of how a baby is supposed to come out versus how mine did. Ahhh, so that explained that horrific car ride!! We ended up becoming famous at Winnie Palmer that weekend as we later learned that breech babies usually do not survive childbirth unless there is a c-section (at least in this country). I clung to my newest little love in awe, thankful for the wonderful outcome of our first adventure together.

As I process through the details of a difficult pregnancy and delivery, I see how God showed himself to me in such amazing and personal ways! He gave me my heart's desire in an even greater way than I could have ever imagined and let me see a glimpse of inner strength that I didn't know I even had. Even though He wrote the story much differently than I would have, His details were perfect and undeniably from Him. Thank you Jesus for the gift of life! We give you all the glory for our little Asher! 

Thank you Besitos Photography for the wonderful photos.

Our Tribute

Happy Father's Day! 

It's a bit of a bummer that our family is not together today so we wanted to send you a little blog card. :)

First of all, we love you so much!!! Essi, Sy, Phoebe, Ash and I are talking all day today about all of the things that we love about "Pop!"

We said how you are constantly serving... both us and others. You've made it your livelihood to risk and sacrifice your own life for the sake of others.

Essi said that she loves your "bear hugs" and Sy said he loves you "through the world and back!" :)

We all said that you make us laugh... all the time!

You are always an adventure!

You love with all of your heart...

even when it's hard.

You teach us all about life...

 and we trust you...

as does everyone else.

You are our spiritual head...

and we honor and respect you.

We just love you so much... especially me.

Happy Father's Day to the greatest father we know!! We love you! xoxo