Unexpected Gain and Devastating Loss

So God totally shocked us about six weeks ago... We found out we were expecting another baby! This was nothing outside of a complete miracle because all of our other children have required me taking meds or herbs in order to conceive. We thought we were finished with birthing babies and the doctors definitely have encouraged this... So when I say we were shocked, I really mean SHOCKED! Let's just say that we were preventing in more ways than one. :) Of course after getting over the initial freak out, we knew that God wanted this baby and we were excited to grow our family from six to seven! Wow!!

Then the bleeding started... This is nothing too unusual for me. I've experienced that with all of my pregnancies but I've also miscarried before so it's still unnerving. One night it was so bad that I had to go in to the ER. Ugh... Finally after waiting and waiting, we saw the heartbeat... That little flicker is always so exciting and reassuring. It carries with it an immediate calming to my soul. It's such a reminder of God's intricate handiwork growing inside of my body. Meanwhile, I later had a follow up ultrasound and all still looked good. I was still nervous to tell folks but I knew the facts were that at that moment all was okay. Then a few days later, the bleeding intensified and I was really expecting the worst. The doctor wanted to do yet another ultrasound due to the amount of bleeding and just to be sure. Lo and behold, there was that heartbeat--thumping even stronger at over 160 beats a minute! I've had complications with all of my pregnancies (and deliveries) but the OB came up with a valid reason for the bleeding and reaffirmed that the baby was just fine--"No need to worry." So I didn't... I just tried to "lay low" (yeah right with four kids under 8, homeschooling, and Sy's therapy, but I did my best). And I just laid the worry aside and trusted God that all was okay. And I really trusted...

So yesterday morning rolls around and I went in for a prescheduled doctor's appointment. The morning was pretty hectic and it was easy to forget the importance of what we were going to do. We remembered to stop and pray right before going into the office for the well-being of our little one.

Since I was still bleeding, we did another ultrasound. After what seemed like an eternity of watching the doc's eyes scour the monitor, I heard those words that I will never forget.

"Guys, I hate to tell you this... There is no heartbeat." Silence. "I'm sorry."

As tears start to stream down my face I keep thinking, What?! Oh, God no! Lord, just help me breathe. I can't completely fall apart here. The doctor went on about me needing a d&c asap because I was ten weeks along and I had already been bleeding so much. He could also see a lot of blood pooled around the placenta. Unfortunately, I had eaten a small breakfast so we would have to wait a few hours. I hardly heard what he said--I was still working on just breathing. Then, Jordan interjected and asked if there was any chance at all of our baby still being alive. The doctor confirmed that he was 100% positive that the baby was gone...we knew to be with Jesus. He then left to schedule my surgery and to give us a few moments alone...

Jordan and I just clung to each other, clasped hands, and then cried out to God and thanked Him for this miracle of life. We told him how we knew he was holding our little baby in His arms. That was comforting but I must admit, I felt and still feel a little jealous. I now have four babies here on earth and two in heaven. It will be such a delight to meet the other two some day. They must be pretty remarkable because God obviously wanted them to be with Him early on. And through it all, I still know that I can completely trust Him... His ways are not my ways and His ways are so much higher and better for me than I can possibly understand. Despite the hurt, grief, and sadness, I am so thankful that God used me to be His vessel to bring these children life.

I'm not one to have feelings regarding whether a boy or a girl, but throughout this pregnancy the name Corban has really resonated with me... It means a gift or offering to God. I think heaven inherited a new Corban yesterday.

Side note: Yesterday, as we were pulling out of the neighborhood, a magnificent rainbow was coming down right beside us. Thanks God, for reminding us of your love and unmatched promises!

Anderson Live Show Clips (Updated!)

**Updated show clips to show full segments, including intro video and surprises. They are hand recorded and the audio is a bit low, but it should be clear enough.

Thank you to all of you who tuned in to watch our handsome boy make his daytime TV debut. We all were very happy how the show was put together and we are so thankful to the Anderson Live crew for having us there. We really hope that we were able to help at least one person in some way. There's only one complaint...I still have not received a phone call to become a jewelry hand model on QVC. Did they not shoot my amazingly strong, yet tender hands enough?

We've been looking to find the entire interview. We've found both parts, but the first one is not the greatest quality. We'll keep looking and try to find something better. Anyway, thanks to the person who took the time to record this on their TV! Here you go! Oh, and also, just for the record, I'm really proud of both my son and my smokin' hot wife.

Lastly, a huge thanks to those companies that blessed our family in a huge way...Bunny Luv, Global Organics, and Lego! I just noticed that this part isn't on the video. Big hugs from Sy for these great folks!

If you can't see the videos below click here for part 1 and here for part 2. Enjoy!

Here's still the portion straight from the show...much clearer.

Cinco de Ashy-o & Anderson Air Date!

We've had an eventful last few days... Sunday was Asher's FIRST birthday! I can't believe it's been a year since that kid came out backside first and folded up like a laptop by a lady with no pain meds (if you missed that story, you need to read it here). It's been a great year of joy with this little guy and we were able to party at our local Mexican Restaurant (viva Mexico!) with a group of friends, a mariachi band, and a bunch of folks we didn't know. Here's some pics from the day:

Who could resist a fiesta with a bandit like this?

Don't mind if we do!

Poncho or placemat? You'll never know!

Ash was surprised when the whole restaurant sang to him! Feliz Cumpleanos, little guy!

Ole!

Someone had too much Cinco in his Mayo.

I think our Spanish-speaking cake decorator thought we wouldn't notice the English! Excelente!

It's Finally On!

Ok, so we also just got the news that our Anderson Live show will finally be aired tomorrow, May 8th. Check your local listings for when it comes on...some places it's morning, some it's afternoon. We just saw a preview today and Sy is looking great! Click here to get the show info.

Let's say a prayer and hope that our family is able to let the real Light shine in our story!

Listening Heart Required!

So get this...

The other day, I'm in the kitchen juicing and prepping Sy's food goodness. Since I'm a guy, I can usually only concentrate on one thing at a time, so I was pretty involved in my work. Nothing was going to stop me from producing some high quality nutrition!

Before I get any further, let me tell you that Sy decided one day a while back to start reading through the New Testament when he wakes up in the morning. It seems like he just started yesterday and he informed us that he is already through Acts! Let's just remember that this kid is only six! Makes me smile when I know that he is reading God's love letter to him! It's also a reminder to not let the most important instruction manual fade into the background.

Now back to the kitchen...

As I'm scrubbing carrots, Sy comes quietly into the kitchen and watches me work. He then began a dialogue that drew me in right away:

"Hey, Pop?"

"Yeah, buddy..."

"I think God is speaking to me."

!!!??? Although I continued working to keep the conversation natural, Sy had every bit of my attention. I knew in my heart that God didn't want me to miss a word of what was coming up next.

"Oh yeah? What's he saying?"

"I think God is telling us that we need to go."

This is one of those times that I knew God was speaking to me through my son. It was also very clear and appropriate for our hearts. Through how God has been teaching us and calling our family, this statement had a huge impact. Even though I knew, I still asked to see what else was stirring in his heart.

"Where do you think God wants us to go?"

"Either where we've been talking about or wherever he needs us. Like Paul and Silas in Acts. They went wherever telling people the good news."

Oh snap.

It has been amazing to watch God work on Sy's heart. Sy is someone who enjoys his home, his toys, and all the perks of staying where we are. The rest of us are more willing to accept change. This is just another example of the power of God's Word and it's ability to transform us on an individual basis.

Thank you God, for moments like this. Thank you that even though I don't listen to you all the time, you still get messages to me and my family. Please give me the courage to lead my family and keep the focus of their hearts as the most important way of providing for them. I am weak, but you can do great things through me!

As you finish reading this, we ask for your prayers. We ask that we would have amazing wisdom and clarity and that we would pursue His leading with reckless abandon!