THE Story!!

It's crazy to me that my latest love is already three months old! I always say that time stands still when you have a baby while it moves on for everyone else. So even after all this time, I'm still having requests to hear Asher's wild birth story and I've wanted to document it for myself, so here goes... I'm sure he'll be so thrilled to one day to read this!! :) Oh and I promise to make future blogs less wordy. I'm not a fan of a lot of words. 

For those that like less detail, feel free to jump down to the last couple paragraphs. 

Friday, May 4   

35ish weeks 

Jordan graduates from paramedic school. Hallelujah!
And I take a break from bedrest to go... :)

Celebrating with sparkling grape juice because we're crazy like that!

Saturday, May 5 

(This is God's sense of humor that less than 12 hours after graduation, the fun would really start--and about five weeks earlier than planned.)

4 a.m.     I wake up from a deep sleep with a horrific leg cramp and while I'm attempting to get up, I get that lovely water gush feeling and think to myself, "No, this can't be the real thing. Maybe I'll just go back to bed and sleep it off." Nice reasoning but it wasn't gonna work. My water had broken. The contractions started coming about 2 minutes apart but they were not intense. However, the timing was close enough that we needed to re-pack (since the birth center couldn't take me this early, I now was going to have to pack for a hospital birth). Oh, did I mention that I had worked really hard to finally get approved for a birth center natural birth with one of the most amazing midwives ever? There was definitely some disappointment that this dream wasn't going to happen. Once again for me, another baby was coming early.

6 a.m.     The contractions stopped. Like totally. Nothing.

7 a.m.     Went on a walk with a friend around my neighborhood. This will be one of my fondest memories from this birth. It was a beautiful Saturday morning and I was trying to soak in the realization that this baby is coming TODAY and be excited even though I wasn't in any pain yet. It was one of those surreal moments...

9:30 a.m.     Talked with the doula and she suggested I take a nap since things weren't moving along.

10:15 a.m.     Jordan's mom and friend come over. I can't sleep due to the kids' excitement of Grammy's arrival so I get up. After visiting with them a little, I start to get concerned that my labor is not progressing. I know that hospitals require babies to be born within 24 hours of ruptured waters or they start talking c-section. (Not something I wanted since I was hoping for "au naturale.") 

11:30 a.m. Head out for some Black Cohosh and castor oil. Nothing like washing it down with a Starbucks Peppermint Java Chip Frappucino. Seriously if you ever need to take anything nasty, wash it down with a fun drink. I never knew the oil was in there! :)

Here I am with my Black Cohosh and favorite gum.

1:00 p.m.     Headed up to our neighborhood clubhouse to walk on the treadmill. Oh the joys of living in Florida--it's so hot in May that I didn't want to get all sweaty outside and have to shower again. So, I opted to "walk" in some air conditioning. After about 5 minutes on the treadmill, the sensation hit and I had to run to the potty. The castor oil had kicked in! It was mild but nevertheless, not fun to have happen when you're not at home. Lol! :)

2:00 p.m.     Jordan's mom leaves and I'm starting to panic that nothing is happening. I'm getting close to the 12-hour mark since my water had broken.

3:45 p.m.     My sweet neighbor at the time (who used to be a labor and delivery nurse) came over to check on me (literally). It was pretty hilarious! She said that I was 2 cm and proceeded to teach Jordan how to check laboring women since I'm sure he will one day have to deliver a baby on the side of the road. This was rather comical. I guess I'd rather be his guinea pig than someone else's! Ha! Anyway, it was right after that I had a doozy of a contraction and I mean a doozy.

4:15 p.m.     She and I chat for a bit and then she leaves. I'm laboring on the birth ball at this point and I'm focusing on everything I've learned and trying to put it in to practice. 

4:38 p.m.     Our sweet babysitter, Christiana comes and takes our kiddies for the evening. I remember feeling badly and apologizing for not being more social. Um, what was I thinking?

4:48 p.m.     Cassie (my doula) arrives! I'm still hanging out on the birth ball and I'm now really starting to hurt. I was trying to focus during the pain and then chit chat between contractions with Cassie. (And yes, that is totally my personality to still try to be hospitable even during the worst pain of my life.)  Anyway, she made mention that I wasn't in active labor yet and I remember saying, "What?! I'm not in active labor?" Talk about feeling like a wussy. It wasn't long before the birth ball wasn't cutting it for me and I found my fun place slumped over the kitchen counter. (My contractions were now an average of five minutes apart or less.) 

5:30 p.m.     Jordan remembers that we should probably eat before we get to the hospital so he runs out to Chipotle... He's back around 6ish. I remember that was a fun dinner to get through.

The last supper

Hope that thing doesn't roll away!

So after dinner, I want to go for a walk until I walk outside my front door only to run back in and slump myself over my kitchen counter again. That was the only position I could handle. So Jordan and Cassie start talking about when to go to the hospital... Jordan thought maybe I should walk a mall or something so we could be in closer vicinity to Winnie Palmer Hospital... Lo and behold, I suddenly get this sheer panic that I'm not going to make it to the hospital. Things were progressing quickly. So we head out the door and I can't make it to the car without the help of my doula... Nothing like having a major contraction on your front walkway. Jordan opted to drive Cassie's truck and have her drive our Jeep Cherokee since Christiana had taken the van with our other kiddos. I must ask, have any of you actually ever ridden in a Jeep Cherokee? First of all, there's not much room and secondly, you can't recline at all so you're totally upright. Yeah, not a blast.

6:45 p.m.     Now I'm buckled in for the car ride of a lifetime. We headed to the hospital and I realized about 5 minutes into the ride that I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. We were right by the Publix near our house when Jordan called Cassie. The time then was 6:51 p.m. and it was after that my eyes were sealed shut. We were on a familiar winding road and I could tell where we were from the curves. I was in hurting more by the second. Then, I remembered that you're supposed to make low groans when in labor. I made low groans alright... They would start off low and end with me absolutely screaming! Poor Cassie. The woman had to drive, try to keep me calm, and talk me through my contractions all at the same time. All the while, I'm still thinking that I'm probably 2 or maybe 3 centimeters. My legs were up on the dashboard which I guess is a sign to a doula that they baby is coming but I didn't think anything about it. I was just trying to get comfortable in the most uncomfortable vehicle. Jordan called a couple more times but I think Cassie may have ignored his calls, I don't even remember. So Jordan knows that I'm obviously in labor but has NO CLUE how intense this has gotten. I remember the car being still for an eternity of time so I assumed we were at a stop light. I seriously was contemplating opening my passenger door and just flinging my body onto the road. I thought that would somehow give me relief from this agony I was in. Then I mumbled something to Cassie about getting me an ambulance. This was the longest 45-minute ride of my life. She starts praying scripture over me and it helped so much. She probably couldn't tell amidst my shrieks but it really was calming for me. 

7:32 p.m.     Finally, we arrive at the hospital. Jordan comes over to help me out of the car and hears me mumble about drugs and mildly rolls his eyes because he knew my goal was not to have them. I had such relief to stand up that he still didn't realize how close we were to having a baby--nor did I. So Cassie and I walk into the hospital atrium... Let me describe this hospital... The lobby area is one where they do registration and it is also the cafeteria seating area, so you can guess it... Yep, LOADS OF PEOPLE in there! I slump myself over their registration counter and I'm screaming like I've never screamed before. I mean, screeching at the top of my lungs. I think I sounded drunk when I was asking the poor registration ladies if the drugs were ready. Jordan said that the lobby suddenly was completely silent outside of my shrieking. I guess you could have heard a pin drop. Nice. They sent me on back and I bypassed triage registration. They rushed me into a tiny room and checked me. Everyone seemed frantic but I was so out of it, I thought that maybe I was now 4 cm. They wheeled the triage bed onto the elevator and it was a total blur to me as to what was going on. We get into the delivery room and the obstetrician looks under my sheet again and yells that this baby is BREECH! He hollered for a c-section and then the room filled up with even more medical folks. Jordan said that there was the OB at the foot of my bed with another doctor behind him, one nurse unsuccessfully trying to put in an IV in my left arm, another nurse holding my right hand in which we literally made a line for my signature, someone was shouting the risks of c-section, and the anesthesiologist was having me open my mouth to check my teeth (which I actually remember that) before intubating me. It was total chaos! 

7:39 p.m.     Meanwhile, the doc orders me not to push. Oh right. Obviously I didn't want to but this wave... (It is the only way I can describe it.) This total wave came over me and and I didn't know what had happened. I thought I had delivered my whole insides and that I had ripped from head to toe. 

First kiss

Cut on his bottom from delivery

My awesome doula

Jordan said that this baby came flying out hunched over like a laptop computer. They unfolded him and we didn't hear any sound immediately. I had no idea what was going on but Jordan was worried at first if the little man was ok. The nurses did their thing and then he came over to me a couple of minutes later and said, "He's okay and you're okay." I turned to my doula and said, "So was that without drugs?" She laughed and said, "Yes!" 

I have had the amazing blessing of attending 3 births (2 of them natural) and I knew this was out of the ordinary. I later saw a diagram of how a baby is supposed to come out versus how mine did. Ahhh, so that explained that horrific car ride!! We ended up becoming famous at Winnie Palmer that weekend as we later learned that breech babies usually do not survive childbirth unless there is a c-section (at least in this country). I clung to my newest little love in awe, thankful for the wonderful outcome of our first adventure together.

As I process through the details of a difficult pregnancy and delivery, I see how God showed himself to me in such amazing and personal ways! He gave me my heart's desire in an even greater way than I could have ever imagined and let me see a glimpse of inner strength that I didn't know I even had. Even though He wrote the story much differently than I would have, His details were perfect and undeniably from Him. Thank you Jesus for the gift of life! We give you all the glory for our little Asher! 

Thank you Besitos Photography for the wonderful photos.

Our Tribute

Happy Father's Day! 

It's a bit of a bummer that our family is not together today so we wanted to send you a little blog card. :)

First of all, we love you so much!!! Essi, Sy, Phoebe, Ash and I are talking all day today about all of the things that we love about "Pop!"

We said how you are constantly serving... both us and others. You've made it your livelihood to risk and sacrifice your own life for the sake of others.

Essi said that she loves your "bear hugs" and Sy said he loves you "through the world and back!" :)

We all said that you make us laugh... all the time!

You are always an adventure!

You love with all of your heart...

even when it's hard.

You teach us all about life...

 and we trust you...

as does everyone else.

You are our spiritual head...

and we honor and respect you.

We just love you so much... especially me.

Happy Father's Day to the greatest father we know!! We love you! xoxo

The Storm

I won't give you more, more then you can take

and I might let you bend, but I won't let you break

Listen here... Group One Crew, "He Said"


This is the promise I am clinging to today. I heard these lyrics in the car this morning--one of those times when I've heard the song a million times before but never really listened to the words. Now between the teary blur of these typed lines, I think this may just be my motto for the next three weeks.

So much has been going on lately... I don't know how to even put my mush of thoughts into words. People want updates on Sy and I love that--so many folks rooting for him! But if you ask me how he is doing, I'll probably just smile and say that all is well... but in reality, I don't know. I have no idea really.

I see the joy in his eyes when he tastes a new food but am so perplexed when he complains of stomach pain, has a bout of eczema, or just has an emotional breakdown. His spirit is different these days--very sensitive and struggling. We realize this may be a healing reaction, or a blood sugar issue, or just years of his little body fighting and it's all catching up with him. He has also dropped significant weight. I know that God definitely led us to this therapy and we still haven't been able to jump in full-swing because of our schedules and honestly, there are just not enough hours in the day. When we are on the full therapy, the prep, administering and clean up runs about 8 hours a day. Oh and I'm on bedrest, did I mention that? Jordan's schooling will be over in less than a month, so we are planning to get back on track and get totally immersed in the therapy--until of course, new baby arrives. :)

There is no choice in going back to conventional medicine at this point although I dream about it sometimes. His medical team was clear that there was nothing more that they can do beyond what we've already tried. And when I just want to give up and put Sy back on his formula boxes, God reminds me, "Are you trusting in ME (the Creator and Sustainer of the universe) or do you just want to go back to what is comfortable and put all of your faith in man?" It's much easier to trust in the "norm" even when it's failed us, than to step out onto somewhat unchartered territory like his therapy even when we know it's exactly where God wants us. I often feel like Sy's health is in now in my hands and God has to continually remind me that Silas is His; He is holding him in His hands, not mine.

So Jordan has three weeks left of school! Wow! Probably doesn't seem like that long to you all but each day feels like a mountain right now. He is hardly home and when he is, he's trying to do everything for me, the kids, and Sy's therapy, along with everything else--like some sleep. He's been sick a lot recently too which is so unlike him. I know the stress is immeasurable for him right now. He still has a lot of clinical hours to finish in a very short amount of time and he has people pulling from him on all sides. It doesn't help that his 33 week pregnant wife is having pre-term labor and is now officially on bedrest. Yep, bedrest sounds great in theory and I will do my best, but some things just can't be a reality right now. It's not that we don't care immensely for this precious new life and Jordan is willing to walk away from school for the health of this new baby, but complete bedrest for me just isn't an option--at least not for the next three weeks. And please know that our support system here is AMAZING! Friends are so awesome and they often ask us how they can help us, but ever been so overwhelmed that you don't even know where to begin to tell folks how they can help? This is the first time I can truly say that I understand that feeling.

I've learned a lot about myself lately and sometimes these self-realizations aren't always very pretty and definitely not easy to express to the world. (In fact, I'm pretty terrified to post this blog in fear that people will think I'm complaining, negative, going on and on about my kid again, or have some sort of expectation... But in reality, I feel that God is calling me to take a leap of faith in authenticity in hopes it can be an encouragement to others. So I guess I'm finally obeying.) In the past, I've always been very organized, remembered everyone's birthdays/anniversaries (even before Facebook), had coffee dates, hung out with loads of friends, etc. but now life just seems to escape by me. I can't seem to remember much anymore and I'm sorry for that. Please grant me a little grace during this time. I used to wonder how people could forget important dates and such things, and now I am one of them! I can also be one who can live a bit in denial and usually tries to look for the positive or the spiritual lesson to be learned in any situation. You know, in tough times consider it pure joy and then move on... Pretty easy. But God is now teaching me to accept this storm I'm in--not the storm I've conquered or the one that's past me by... but the one I'm currently walking through. I need to stop fighting it and count it a pure joy that God has chosen me to endure this time, under these less than stellar circumstances. He's bending me and molding me to be more like Him and I can trust that He won't let me break.

I guess today is song day! :) Let me end with these lyrics...

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Listen: Casting Crowns, "Praise You In This Storm"

What About the Others?

To say the least, we've been a bit overwhelmed with the work of the therapy, but I thought I'd share a pretty cool story with y'all...

Last night, when I was putting Sy in bed, I knelt down beside him for prayer (and some hugs/kisses). Sy's prayers have always been tenderhearted and it's amazing who comes up in them (a fellow firefighter to accept Jesus, those involved in accidents heard on the car radio, kids with broken bones, etc.) However, last night it hit me in the face how this boy looks outward even though his life is piled with issues that need miracles.

In his prayers, he was praying for his mom and her inability to eat gluten (Celiac's). "Dear God, please help Mommy to be able to eat gluten someday..." Along with this, he was praising God for a miraculous healing in our family recently (getting closer!).

How is it possible that this kid, whose diet consists of only a handful of ingredients, would be praying for someone who can eat just about everything but one? I definitely didn't stop long enough to soak in it, but the heart of Jesus was right there in the room with me.

As I recognize how often I act in selfishness, I am humbled that the Grace of God would provide me with a son who would point me back to Him.

My eyes are starting to water and I'm at a clinical today... Thanks for reading!

How Goes It?

Just a quick post to update y'all on our progress.

Sy has managed to give himself an almost permanently carrot stained Joker smile (look close)...

Sy has been on the therapy for several days now. As we expected, we are overwhelmed with work! We practically live in the kitchen as we prep juices/soup/gruel, clean everything up, and then start the process all over again! Over this time, we have learned how to hone our juicing skills and streamline the process as much as we can. Everyone in the family is committed to helping our one family member who needs it. We are all pitching in to help as Sy cleans up the table and floor, Es dries and puts away dishes, and Bee finds a pencil to write on our walls (grrrr).

Here's our little princess helping out.

As a quick side note, when a 26 week old pregnant lady stands on a tile floor for hours on end in a kitchen, it makes her feet have a sad face. One thoughtful friend sent an unexpected surprise that has turned those feet frowns upside down. A padded kitchen mat! Sweet!

Look at that space age softness! Tempted to put a glass of wine on one end and jump.

Sy, of course, is being a real champ through this whole thing. We do ask for your prayers with one specific issue... Getting the amount of juices down in a day is a tough task for anyone, especially a 5 year-old boy. Another issue that we've encountered is that he will break out in a small rash on his skin around his mouth. An opportunity to place a nasogastric (feeding) tube has become available to us and he actually loves the idea so he won't have to chug-a-lug. God has knocked down our obstacles so far, so we don't expect any different with this. We just need wisdom with every step.

More to come, so stay tuned!

P.S. As far as my diet changes with Sy, I've been amazed at the few noticable changes I've encountered...dropped some excess weight quickly, my appetite has been under better control, and just a better feeling all around. Keep the good changes comin'!

Details!!

We've had several people asking about what our next steps are going to look like for Sy so here it is in a nutshell...



After coming to the end of the road with traditional medical treatment, we were guided to a particular treatment plan that couldn't be more perfect for someone who can't eat...a therapy of food!!! I know this sounds crazy, but after more hours of research than we'd like to admit and comparing it to what I already know from my medical training, it made total sense. Sy has been on a no or very few food diet for the majority of two years. We have watched Sy develop signs that show his body is taking a toll (skin color, appetite, severe constipation, etc.). In passing, one would think that Sy's health is good (and it is compared to severely ill kids), but as a parent, you can tell when things just aren't right. Everyone knows that the body needs good, pure nutrition, and not the kind that comes out of a lab. Also with the amount of sugar Sy gets from his current artificial nutrition, there is the very real risk of developing type 1 diabetes in the near future. The bottom line is that Sy's body has an autoimmune & GI issue that we have only put on somewhat of a pause for right now. There are more things we could do to just "cover up" the disease, but we want real, lasting health. Sy's body has the systems in place to fight this disorder, but the cells of these systems need the right input to have the maximum healing output. Make sense?

The Gerson Therapy we are about to embark upon is anything but simple. Unfortunately, there's no shortcut and you either do it 100% or you don't. There are major costs of time and money, but this family will sell everything for the health of one of our loved ones. The folks from the Gerson Institute informed us that the amount of time it will take to prep, administer, and clean up each day will run about 8 hours!!! However, we have heard first-hand stories from people who have been amazingly healed from destructive diseases (like stage 4 cancers), but it does come at a great sacrfice. We will walk with him through this!

Below is an example of a condensed and simplified daily schedule for someone on this therapy. Sy's will be modified due to: his age, introducing very specific, organic food to his GI system, and to the systems that need repair. So here is what our new life will look like:

7:00 Wake up
7:15 Enema prep & administration
7:45 Special breakfast prep & juicing; prep and making of gruel*
8:00 Eat breakfast & supplements
8:30 Wash all produce for day (huge amount!), make enema concentrate, make special soup
9:00 More juicing, gruel, & supplements
9:30 More juicing, gruel, & supplements
10:00 More juicing, gruel, & supplements
11:00 More juicing, gruel, & supplements
11:15 Enema prep & administration
12:00 Special lunch prep, more juicing, gruel, & supplements
1:00 Eat special soup
2:00 More juicing, gruel, & supplements
3:00 More juicing, gruel, & supplements
4:00 Enema prep, administration, gruel, & more juicing
5:00 More juicing gruel, & supplements
6:00 Prep special dinner, more juicing, gruel, & supplements
7:00 Eat dinner, more juicing, gruel, & supplements
8:00 Enema prep & administration

*Gruel is made by slow cooking organic oats and then straining the them. The gruel is the white liquid that is left over. Sy will have to drink that every hour.

So this will be on top of my work/school/clinical schedule and Heather's pregnant mom/feeding/homeschooling/cleaning/shopping/dealing with me schedule. No big deal...ha! We repeatedly heard from people that you will easily lose a few years as you dedicate yourself to this and there is no way you can do this without help.

It's very easy to get overwhelmed by everything that is staring us in the face right now; however, we have been led through doors that have miraculously opened and brought us to where we are. We are confident that He will provide where we fall short. It's a new journey and we are excited to for Sy's healing and hope to be able to help others along the way.

To learn more about this therapy, check out these documentaries on youtube, Netflix or Hulu:

*Dying To Have Known

*The Gerson Miracle

*The Beautiful Truth

*Or "like" the Gerson Institute on Facebook.

Stepping Down...

The last several days have been chocked full of great information! Fortunately, this was exactly what we needed. We are gaining more confidence with every step as doors continued to be opened for Sy's health, but we are learning that we will be forced to make MAJOR changes to our lives to have a shot at Sy's healing. Thank you to those of you who have been praying and providing for us as we explore this new option.

So, what have we learned?

This new therapy option requires an unbelievable amount of dedication and determination before you even start anything. Do we REALLY want Sy to get better? To the point of putting almost everything on hold for it?

This therapy has been researched and proven for over 70 years. You either do it all or you don't. The problem is that doing it all will take more time, energy, and resources than anything we've ever done before (this is an understatement). This is fantastic timing with my 24 hour shifts, my full-time class schedule, and my clinical schedule that is heating up.

We have learned that as our little boy walks this journey, so will the rest of our family. We have allowed Sy to live alone in his foodless world as we all indulge in whatever we want. It's time for us to step down into his world until we all emerge together.

Here is the really amazing thing that has been in my mind as we are here: This new lifestyle and choice for health is an echo of what's required of my faith. Do I trust Him enough to let go of everything I think is essential to allow Him refocus me on those things that have eternal value? Convenience versus my son's health? Distractions versus leading my family? Selfishness versus selflessness? It sounds easy, but it will require more of me than I have. This is what brings me back to Him on a minute by minute basis.

Sy's health journey has been an opportunity to watch chained doors fly open but also an opportunity to turn the hearts of my family toward something worthwhile.

I know this post has been a bit vague. We will be posting more details soon about what is coming our way.

Thanks for reading!